so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
my poor anus
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize