We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
