i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
