I think my vagina is haunted
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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