i need an iv and a liver transplant
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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