Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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