I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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