Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
