My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I could make wine with my vomit
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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