I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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