haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
