Do you still have your period?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
