I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
