Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
