Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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