the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
