I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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