lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
