i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
