I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
