Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
