I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
