You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
too bad you live with your parents still
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
