I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
