??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
