she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Quick, to the slutcave!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
