Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
