You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
