She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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