Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
