I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
