We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
