This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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