i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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