On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
