I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
