She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I've blown a few things in my day
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
