I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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