It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
