He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
