In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
