There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
