Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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