i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
