Define "chronic" masturbator.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
