Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
