i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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