Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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