This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
