its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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What did I eat last night that was bloody?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
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But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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