I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
