WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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