I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
