Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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