at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
