she looked like the bat from fern gully.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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