its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
