Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You are the jesus of drinking
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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