Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I wish I could teleport
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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