I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
