i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
