can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
