I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
