she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
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i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
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It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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