i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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