Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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