Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
