my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
