i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
