real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
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I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
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Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us