Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it