This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos