Is it normal to miss your booty call?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
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she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
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The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?