I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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