I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Alive.
So much puke
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
