turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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